Mass Effect: Hope
by DisturbingVision
Summary: Caine Shepard knows he's not coming back. Throwing the last party he knows they'll have for a while it's all too much and so he excuses himself to think, but someone sees him and knows something is wrong, but what?


Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. - Desmond Tutu

Shepard threw the one party many wish they could have had before the fight to come. All of his friends, which remained, were in attendance from crews past and present the night went on without a hitch. Past missions were spoken of, friends were mourned and they were drank to because it was their fight too, and laughter was had as the night went on, but Shepard just watched his friends and girlfriend's eyes light up with hope as the night carried on.

Slipping away from the party he left onto the balcony to get away from it all. Skycar's zoomed by oblivious to the war, or just trying to get away from it for a while, Shepard didn't know which zoomed by causing his short hair to lightly move in the breeze it left. _Well here we are at the end. It didn't seem like we'd get here sometimes, but we did. We also lost a few friends along the way. Kaiden, Jacob, Thane, Mordin, Ash, even Chakwas. Dammit._ He suppressed the cry that threated to emanate and instead punched his fist into the railing he clung to for support._ And worst of all I still see their faces and hear their screams when I close my eyes or even try to sleep. If only I had done something sooner maybe they'd still be alive and I'd be gone._

Laughing at something Zaeed had said she wondered where her Commander had gone to, it wasn't like him to not be chatting his crew up and finding all their dirty little secrets or personal problems or opinions. Sighing she glanced around the room she was in and he wasn't there. Deciding to find him she searched all the rooms but found no trace of him anywhere. _Did he leave to blow something up?_ She mused, but once back in the living-room she spotted him hitting the railing of the balcony and knew something was wrong. _Not that he'd ever admit it. _Lightly walking over to the door Shepard was oblivious to her presence, until she was next to him and slipped her own arm in the crook of his elbow resting her head on his shoulder sighing at the view.

"It's a nice view," she said to break the silence that would have deafened them had she not said something.

Turning his head to the gorgeous woman attached to him he smiled for the first time that night, "Yeah she is." Then he kissed the top of her head and looked back out to the view.

"Why aren't you inside?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"Us."

"Us?" she recoiled hoping that he wasn't about to end it, the night before he left to finish what he started.

Frowning at her actions he turned away from her then turned back. Gently grasping her hands he looked so mournful and scared, "It's not fair. This war has consumed us all, broken each and every one of us in some way, but we will continue to fight no matter the cost. This time though I'm not coming back. I once made a promise to you and I kept it, but don't ask me to keep it this time because I can't. I look around here and all I see is the death, destruction, and hear the cries of those I can and could never save. This fight is taking everything I have, even you Miri, and I can't take it. Each day I wake up I know someone is dying to give us time, and when I go out there tomorrow I know I'm not coming back."

"Don't talk like that, I'm always going to be here and we'll make it out of this Caine."

Wishing he could have her sense of hope he hugged the operative to him as though it was his last time with her and wished that they'd met sooner or never at all, but he would prefer if it was the latter. Taking in every memory he had of her Caine broke down, glad that none of his friends were there to see him now, a shell of the man he pretended to be. The shadow of his is great, but what lays behind that shroud is just the same as any man or woman fighting to stay alive. Fear. Fear of losing everything they hold dear, fear of not making it in time, and fear of never seeing those he loves again.

Holding him closer as he wept for what was to come she knew he was right, but she wanted to block it out this time. _It seems Shepard and I have switched rolls. Me the optimist now, and he the honest one. What has this galaxy come to?_ Running her fingers down his back and over his arms Miranda smiled at him and waited for his tears to subside before he looked at her with red rimmed eyes from the burning tears.

"What?" he croaked.

Giving a slight quiet laugh she met his gaze, "I love you Caine Shepard, and even if you don't come back I will love you until this galaxy stand no more, and even then I will still love you because you love me. You do love me don't you?" she added the last part as a tease to bring him out of his shell.

"Do you even need to ask?" he whispered back.

Shifting coyly she brushed her hands down his chest, "Maybe..."

Now smiling at her too Caine leaned in just waiting for the moment that their lips collide and when they do it's as though he's forgotten his worries, troubles, and stay in that moment forever. Once finished with the kiss Miranda can see a little more light in his eyes than before, and the two rejoin the party never leaving the others side for more than they have to, and that night they lay in bed just holding each other happy with the time they still have.


End file.
